In
film as in life, no matter how many times we tell our sons that
crying is ok, the message still finds it's way to their psyche that
crying is a sign of weakness. And showing weakness is entrenched
deeper within that psyche as an occurrence that is irreversible. When
did it become a symbol of manhood to deny the release of tears?
Courageous:
Recently
Rachel and I had the chance to go and see the new Sherwood Pictures
film Courageous.
In going to see this movie I did not expect their to be Oscar worthy
acting or Hollywood explosions, but I did expect a very positive and
Christian based message. I will say that I definitely got what I
expected, but that is not the only nugget I took away from the
theater that night. I came to a moving realization as I sat next to
my wife and an older man whom I had never met, in that dark theater.
If you have seen the movie you will remember the scenes I am going to
reference. If you have not seen it, sorry if I spoil parts of it for
you.
My
moving realization occurred about halfway through the movie and it
was prompted by the stranger sitting to my right. During a very
emotional scene when the family is dealing with the aftermath of
losing a 9 year old girl in a car accident this realization occurred.
During this highly emotional scene I could not hold back my tears. I
was crying, but it was a controlled, tears slowly rolling down my face
type of cry. This was not a part of my realization. The realization
came to me as this stranger to my right, who was probably in his
early 60's, sat next to me and was practically sobbing. It seemed as if he
was doing everything possible to refrain himself from bellowing out
an all out wail. This semi-wail began to subside and over a few minutes began to slowly fade into
a gentle whimper. As I sat next to this stranger it came to me what type of
cry I was hearing and what tears I was seeing. These were the cries
and tears of a father. A father of many years with many hours and
days invested into the lives of his children and probably
grandchildren. My moving realization is that there is no mistaking
the cry of a father.
I
have vividly seen this cry in several firsthand situations. The most
moving experience in which I have encountered the cry of a father
came a few weeks ago from my own father. In this occurrence I
saw not only the cry of a father, but the cry of a grandfather. As
those reading this probably already know, my family and had been
living close to my family for the past year. In the middle of August
I took a job that would move my family over 500 miles away. My
parents knew that we were following the direction we thought God was
leading, but that doesn't take away the hurt that still encompasses
your grandchildren moving away.
Very
few times in my life have I seen my dad cry. I have never viewed him
as unemotional or distant, there have simply not been many instances
in our lives together where he has felt the need. He has been a great
example to me through the years, and I highly respect and admire the
way he has conducted himself as a father and grandfather.
On
the morning we were leaving to move back to Indiana was the time in
my life where I have truly seen the cry of a father in the eyes of my
father. As we were gathering up everything to make the drive, I could
see that he was getting emotional. I expected this from my mom, but
was somewhat taken back when I saw the tears rolling down my dad's
cheeks. He kept it pretty controlled until he picked up my son to say
goodbye. Christian gave him a hug and kiss, and at that point I
wasn't sure if my dad was going to let go. The tears broke out in
strong streams and my dad did his best to control the shaking that
his body wanted to release. In reaction to this display of emotion, I
started to tear up myself. But I made sure to quickly distract myself
as I saw that Christian was getting a little scared and confused by
the situation. On the drive to Indiana that day Christian asked me on
several different occasions, “Why was Pappy crying.” This gave me
the opportunity, honor, and privilege to tell him that Pappy was
crying because he loved him so much and was going to miss him.
I
want to take this time to say 2 things to my dad: 1. I'm sorry that I
had to make you go through that. I'm sorry that you had a glimpse of
living close to all of your grandchildren and then we took that away.
2. Thank you for showing me your care and love. Thank you for loving
my children as much as I do. Thank you for desiring to be a lasting
influence on their lives. I know they love you deeply, and I am so
thankful they get to call YOU
Pappy!**
Learning
to be a father:
Over
the past 3+ years of my personal journey into fatherhood I have
slowly realized that as I watch movies, read books, and hear stories
my own propensity to dispense tears has become much more relaxed. It
no longer takes a story of an extreme, emotional journey of a boy
achieving his dream of becoming a professional baseball player to
bring tears to my eyes. It simply takes one short scene, paragraph,
or moment of a father losing a child for the tears to roll. Here are
some clips or scenes that would not
allow me to hold back the tears:
(In Field of Dreams Kevin Costner plays Ray Kinsella, a man who never had closure with his father. He builds a baseball field in his corn field that magically allows past players to appear and play baseball again. Through these events, Ray finally gets to play catch with his dad. This one gets me every time!)
(In Field of Dreams Kevin Costner plays Ray Kinsella, a man who never had closure with his father. He builds a baseball field in his corn field that magically allows past players to appear and play baseball again. Through these events, Ray finally gets to play catch with his dad. This one gets me every time!)
(In
The Pursuit of Happyness, Will Smith is playing Chris Gardner. He's a
father that is doing everything he can to provide for his son and
give him a better life than he ever had as a child. In this
particular scene, they have no place to sleep and must spend the
night in a subway bathroom.)
Our Father in Heaven:
As
I have slowly started to understand these emotions that come from
being a father and this cry that can only come from a father, it has
helped me understand so much better the love that our heavenly Father
has for His children. But it doesn't only help me understand His
love, it also helps me understand His pain. How many young parents
think to themselves, “I am so sorry for what I put my parents
through. If I had known that they felt for me what I now feel for my
children, I would have never taken their advice for granted. I would
have better understood that they were looking out for me because
they loved me so much.” How many times has God looked down at the
children He loves and let out the cry of a father? How many times has
He yearned for us to crawl back to Him, yet had to let us go and make
our own mistakes as every parent must one day endure? How many times
has He seen young fathers failing to provide the love and leadership
that their children need? How many times has He wanted to hold us close and tell us it will be alright, but we turn and run the other direction towards our own indiscretions?
At
this point in life, there is nothing that makes me more emotional
than seeing the ineptitude of so many fathers today. With that said
to borrow some of the words of the movie Courageous:
"Where are you men of courage?" Where are you when you should be playing with your sons and drawing pictures with your daughters? Why are you failing in the most important role you will every play? Why are you not leading your families and showing them the example God has created you to show?
"Where are you men of courage?" Where are you when you should be playing with your sons and drawing pictures with your daughters? Why are you failing in the most important role you will every play? Why are you not leading your families and showing them the example God has created you to show?
May
we as fathers have soft hearts. May we be strong and courageous when
needed, and may we be calm and tender when called upon. May we be an
example of love and discipline to our children and lead our families
as God has designed. As we go through the trials and tribulations of
raising children, may we never forget the love that our heavenly
Father feels for us. May we never to be too worn or calloused to
allow our children to see one of the most touching displays of
emotion that God has created, the cry of a father.
**It
should be noted that my mom is an outstanding grandmother! I'm not
referencing her emotions at this time because this article is titled
“Tears of a father.” If it was “Tears of a parent” it would
be a different story. Mom, thanks for being a great mom/mammaw! I'm
sure sometime in the near future I will write something about
mothers.
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing this post. You have a wonderful mom and dad that have loved you dearly. We are privileged to share being parents and grandparents with them. Dad (Potteiger) had a few tears of his own when I read this to him and I was fighting them back. We were able to identify with the pain of saying goodbye. What a great picture of our Heavenly Father you have depicted. Keep writing. You have a God-given gift. Love You!
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